Do you have a chip on your shoulder?

Tonight as I sat reading my emails I managed to get a giant chip on my shoulder.  It was a figurative and literal "Chip."  The saying "a chip on your shoulder means that you are angry or upset about something and holding a grudge. It is derived long before the 1800's but became popular when people actually placed chips of wood on their shoulder to show that they were angry about something and looking for a fight.  By putting the chip of wood on their shoulder they were challenging anyone who would dare knock it off to a fight.

As I was sitting in front of the computer I noticed an email from someone I was very excited to hear from and the news they gave me was very disheartening.  They had decided against allowing me to participate in something I was really looking forward to being a part of. The news broke my heart and I began eating to numb the pain.  As I stuffed a rather large hand full of chips into my mouth to avoid the sad feelings weighing me down a single chip escaped the group and landed on my shoulder.  I looked and looked for it but couldn't see it, so I figured that it must not be there and I forgot about it.  With the kids and husband asleep I was free to work off the extra energy (from my newly forming grudge) undisturbed, so I cleaned the fridge, did the dishes and straightened the house...you know, normal things at 11:00 at night, right?  Well, I finally sat down and leaned oven to pick something up off the floor.  As I did, this foreign object raced past my hand to the floor, startling me as it went...it was the chip (the chip of sorrow, as my late night self has nicknamed it), part of a subconscious plot to help me escape the reality of that loathsome email.

Earlier, when it fell from my mouth and I couldn't find it I assumed that I was unaffected by it and went on with my chores.  Just as I assumed that I was unaffected by the chip because I couldn't see or feel it, I also assumed that dwelling on and replaying the words of that email over and over in my mind in different scenarios would somehow make things better and leave me unaffected...but throughout the night I carried both chips on my shoulders, the figurative and the literal.

How often do we do this with life...Carry the weight of things we can't control?  How often do we go about our daily business dwelling on past memories with the idea that we can solve the problem by replaying it?  I have clients come to me all the time with a figurative chip on their shoulder similar to the one I had tonight and as we zone their feet we discover trapped pain and emotions because of it.  It's funny to me that somehow we think that if we hang onto things that upset us that they didn't happen, or that if we hold onto a grudge because someone else hurt us, that they will see our agony and give us what we want.  That is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die...Futile.  It's a human thing to do, so it's no surprise that is is coming up for me tonight.

I'm glad that the literal chip fell on my shoulder because when it fell off it gave me a moment to reflect and realize that I was carrying a grudge, and just like my body let go of the chip when I forgot about it and the timing was right (for me to lean over and let gravity do it's job), it is time for me to forgive the person who sent me the email that brought out the "Scarlet O'Hara attitude" in me tonight .

This is my advice for my clients and those who find that they have figurative chips on their shoulder, no matter how long they have been carrying it around.  We need to forgive so that we can become more than we are today.  Forgiving doesn't change the facts.  As I forgive the author of that email, it will not change the fact they made a choice that puts certain things in motion that have the potential to greatly affect my future business in a negative way.  It does not change things that have happened or the raw emotions that surfaced in the moment, but forgiveness can change the entire game from this moment on.  Forgiving makes it possible for me let go of this grudge and focus on what I can do to build my business so that their choice does not destroy it.  Forgiveness is the most powerful tool in our emotional toolbelt. Take control of your life.  Look in the mirror and brush that chip off your shoulder so that you can create a stronger, happier, chip free future.  A future where you will have more brain capacity to focus on the things that you love, because you have let go of the grudges that were binding you down.